So Long, Farewell!

Val & I leave tomorrow morning at 5a.m. for our weekend adventure here. I am pretty excited, I have never been white water rafting. I have taken off work Monday and Tuesday, and everyone has Wednesday off for the 4th. It should be a nice relaxing very long weekend! See you all next Thursday!

HOT

• I'm not feeling so hot today, I am going to stay home from work.


• I got the new White Stripes CD last night, it is HOT!


• This is why I'm hot.

The World Would Be A Much Better Place

• If More Magazines Did This!

• If More Politicians Did This!

• If More Entertainers Did This!

• If More Fashion Designers Did This!

• If Indygirl Would Stop Dressing Like This!

Tuesday

Oh Hell Nah!

This weekend there was a man shot while interceding in pit bull attack here in Indianapolis.

After a series of incidents this year involving pit bulls attacking young children and adults and inflicting serious injuries, Mayor Bart Peterson said this month he had decided to ask his staff to investigate ways to ban pit bulls in the city.

Margie Smith-Simmons, spokeswoman for the mayor, said staffers still are investigating the ordinances of other cities that restrict or ban pit bulls.

"We want to be sure that whatever we put forward benefits the citizens of Indianapolis,'' she said. The mayor doesn't have a deadline, she said, but she expects a proposal will be released by late summer or early fall.

OK, listen up. This is a bunch of crap. I have owned pit bulls for years now. Right now I own one of the most loving and sweet dogs anyone could ever want. I think there is no such thing as a bad pet, only bad pet owners. I guess me and Obi may have to find another pool to swim in, another city to live in. I mean, just look at him......so cute! The only mean thing that Obi does: he'll steal your raft in the pool if you aren't careful.

Timmy's Weekend Forecast

• FRIDAY: 80% chance of rain today and tonight.

T.G.I.F. Festivities will be held at The Sumner Compound this evening. All the regulars should be in attendance along with a special friend all the way from Florida! Yay.....Kent! Desiree will not be attending, her excuse for the 16th week in a row, "I have to go shopping for a new bed!" Let's hope she finally finds the bed of her dreams!

• SATURDAY: 40% chance of rain all day.

Val and I will be attending Brew-Ha-Ha 2007 . Four hours of all the great beers you can drink! Closest thing to heaven this side of the Mississippi!

• SUNDAY: 30% chance of rain all day.

And its going to be in the 90's all day. I think I will camp out in my back yard by the pool!

Is Anyone Else Concerned?

"She has long legs and chubby little toes exactly like Anna's; it's like a mirror image," Birkhead tells OK! magazine in its latest issue. "It's really incredible. And I think her lips are her mom's lips; especially when she pouts. ... She also gets what she wants exactly like her mom always did as soon as she'd pout."

Ok, I am a wee bit concerned with this proud fathers comments about his 9 month old daughter. Read some of his other quotes "I'm really hands-on, like too hands-on with my hand on the baby."

Yes, he actually said that.

I for one and deeply concerned for the well being of this child in the arms of a pedophile! I mean look at the picture above, he clearly has his hand next to her cha-cha! Yuck!

It's Back! Dear Timmy!

DEAR TIMMY:

I recently had surgery to correct a defect in my urethra. The medical term for it is "hypospadias." I let my co-workers know in an e-mail and provided a link to answer any questions they might have.

The link had a photo, and now some people are accusing me of "inappropriate conduct." I have since sent out an apology and a warning not to go to the link.

Timmy, it was not my intent to be unprofessional, but I didn't want to have 35 conversations about what the condition is, or 35 conversations about why I am walking so slowly and with a cane. How should I respond? -- HEALING IN NEW YORK CITY

DEAR HEALING MORON:

First of all, Freak Show, no one (and I mean NO ONE) gives a shit about your god damn medical problem. You think your co-workers care about you? No, they don't and neither does Timmy.

Secondly, maybe if your parents would have had you circumcised like normal folk then you wouldn't be dealing with this disgusting problem.

I mean, come on, a fucking picture? You sent a link with a fucking picture to 35 fucking people? Are you just retarded? You must have never gotten laid in your life and now you are doomed to never get laid for the rest of your pathetic life. You are a sad creature. That's right, I said CREATURE!

If I were your boss, I'd have fired your disgusting ass already! Best wishes!

LOVE, TIMMY

OH NOES!

• Running out of toilet paper is awful.

• Shopping for/buying a new car is stressful.

• Waking up to see Pablo everyday is nightmarish.

• Being the cutest boy in the office gets overwhelming.

• I don't know where I was going with this, but I forgets.

Study: Many Americans Too Fat To Commit Suicide

"But the fact that obesity impedes suicide is truly troubling. It appears that the more reason people have to die, the less capable they are of doing so. They are literally trapped in their grotesque, blubbery bodies."



Ha! I love The Onion!

How About

Down Payment

Anyone want to assist me with my downpayment money?

New Car Fever

Ok, so I got it. New Car Fever. I am going to look at one of these beauties later this afternoon. What? You don't like it? Well, fuck you!

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I Guess It's A Del Shores Weekend!

• Tonight I'm taking Val to see Southern Baptist Sissies. I went last year, it is an amazing show!

• Tomorrow Val & I are going to the Talbot Street Art Fair in the morning, hanging out by the pool in the afternoon and then going to the Italian Street Festival for some great food. We are also supposed to watch Sordid Lives, a movie that neither of us have seen.

• Sunday I have no plans, if the weather is nice maybe I will be by the pool again!

With All Due Respect, I Choose Not To Go Fuck Myself

As much as I, a gentleman, would like to accommodate you, I am nonetheless afraid that I must reject your suggestion out of hand. I find it flatly untenable. And though I appreciate the concern manifest in your statement regarding the use to which I might put my bottom, I do not consider the option of fucking myself—with a broomstick, sideways, as I believe you specified—to be a course of action worthy of my pursuit.

In fact, at the risk of sounding impolitic, your manner and phrasing have have caused me to doubt whether you have my best interests in mind. Indeed, sir, given the hostility and lack of propriety with which your suggestion was brought to my attention, I think that the case could easily be made that, conversely, you should be the one to go and fuck yourself.

Conversation

Preamble:



Went to dinner last night with a good friend, Joe. Val ended up joining us for a drink after and a couple of friends (Jodie and Jeremy) that were there pulled up some chairs. We are sitting there chatting and it strikes me that our waiter has become annoyed with us. "Like I really care," I say. My Val hasn't yet come to fully appreciate the mean and nasty Timmy that everyone else so loves. So, I go into telling him about lunch the previous day with Mommy a.k.a. Leslie. We were at Uno's and the waitress was being a little "over friendly" and recounting things that had happened to her that day. As the waitress was walking away, I exclaimed out loud "Like we really give a shit what happened to you!" - funniest part about it, the waitress heard what I had said. LOL!



As I recounted this story to everyone at the table last night, Val looks over and the following conversation took place:



Val: We are going to run out of places that we can go where you haven't pissed someone off.



Timmy: What do you mean? I go back to those places, I don't really care!



Jodie: Shit, honey, if we never went back to a place where Timmy pissed off someone, we'd never fucking eat!



Timmy: Well, maybe you could lose some weight in the process!



Everyone: LOL!

Ignorance in Arkansas

Letter to the editor of the Arkansas Democrat Gazette 4/16/07:

You may have noticed that March of this year was particularly hot. As a matter of fact, I understand that it was the hottest March since the beginning of the last century. All of the trees were fully leafed out and legions of bugs and snakes were crawling around during a time in Arkansas when, on a normal year, we might see a snowflake or two.

This should come as no surprise to any reasonable person. As you know, Daylight Saving Time started almost a month early this year. You would think that members of Congress would have considered the warming effect that an extra hour of daylight would have on our climate. Or did they?

Perhaps this is another plot by a liberal Congress to make us believe that global warming is a real threat. Perhaps next time there should be serious studies performed before Congress passes laws with such far-reaching effects.

Connie M. Meskimen, Hot Springs

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

I am ashamed to be from the same country as this idiot.

It's A Beautiful Day!

• First day in my plush new office, no more cubicles for Timmy!
• My Val came home last night, we had some hot M2M action, twice.
• Paris Hilton is in jail, gotta love that!
• This weekend is IndyPride, Southern Baptist Sissies, Talbott St. Art Fair and something else I cant remember.
• I've got a busy day, check in on you all laters!