Dog Days Of Summer

The Way I Are

Timmy bought this album this weekend. It's off the hook!

Freaky Friday

• Need good weather this weekend? Try a virgin weather voodoo trick!

• Are you into necrophilia? Head to Wisconsin!

• Like listening to City Band Music? Apparently God, Buddha, Jesus or whoever doesn't! Frankly, neither does Timmy!

All I Hear Is....

Questions / Answers

Q: Timmy, why didn't you watch the Live Earth Concerts?

A: I was busy shoveling coal into my styrofoam factory. Enjoying some roast penquin.



Q: Timmy, why didn't you watch the Democratic Debate?

A: Oops! I forgot, Al Gore came over and brought a bunch of his sons weed! Good shit man.



Q: Are you going to watch Lindsay Lohan on Jay Leno tonight?

A: Not anymore, that stupid bitch got arrested AGAIN! HAHA! ROFLMAO!



Q: What's it like living with Pablo?

A: Pablo is a dreamboat! Just ask him.

"You look glamorous! Are you wearing underwear?"

This makes me happy! I love Drew Carey. I was wondering about him the other night when I was watching Whose Line Is It Anyway reruns. I think I am going to have to get a television for my office so that I can watch him everyday!

-on another note-

Contrary to popular belief, the entire world doesn’t revolve around Harry Potter. Yes, the new Harry Potter movie is immensely popular. Yes, the new Harry Potter book has been coveted by frenzied hordes and leak freaks. But let's not forget what movie opens this weekend?!!? The Simpsons Movie! I'll bet Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa & Maggie give ol' Harry Potter a run for his money! I know I'll be at the box office this weekend.

Just in case you are wondering, No....Timmy did not go see Harry Potter. No. NO.

Milkshake, yummm!!

NOTE: This post 'is' TOTALLY safe for work, I promise :)

"Get over it. You didn't die."

Heather Chandler: You stupid fuck.

Veronica Sawyer: You goddamn bitch.

Heather Chandler: I brought you to a Remington party and what's my thanks? It's on a hallway carpet. I got paid in puke.

Veronica Sawyer: Lick it up, baby. Lick. It. Up.


I miss the great movies from the 80's!



Heather Chandler: Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa? If I did, I probably wouldn't mind talking to the Geek Squad!

DEAR TIMMY

Dear Timmy:

I am a fairly happy newlywed. The first time I met my husband, I thought he was gay. Even months into our friendship, I still thought he was. Then he asked me out and we kissed and I was convinced otherwise. Now I am constantly flooded with suspicions. It's driving me crazy. I sometimes catch him staring at a man or standing in a weird way.

When we first started dating, one of his jerky friends told me that they'd had sex. I was told that was a joke. Just when I've convinced myself that I'm wrong, he goes and screams like a girl or crosses his legs or doesn't ask for sex or doesn't tell me I'm sexy or any number of things that are driving me bonkers. I've confronted him a couple times and he denies it up and down, but gets kind of defensive. I'm getting miserable.

—Suspicious Wife


Dear Susp:

Let's examine some of the causes of your suspicion that he's gay. Crossing of legs is inconclusive. Screaming like a girl is a little less inconclusive. Being told by a male friend of his that they had sex is definitely conclusive.

If you really want to find out if your husband is gay, I suggest that you go and rent some gay porn, maybe even buy a new dildo. Get hubby a little drunk, pop in the movie & get out your new toy. Or you could just invite his friend over and have hubby suck some dick. That should do the trick!

Your husband is a homo! See you in divorce court!

Love, Timmy

P.S. Here is a site that might help you out http://www.gayhusbands.com/

You Wanna See A Bitch Go Down The Slide?

Dinner last night with Val was amazing. Sorry, I won't be posting any pictures of him as requested. We dined at Maggiano's. Great food, awesome atmosphere. We sat right next to the Jazz pianist & bass player. Couldn't have asked for a better evening.

Got home this morning and tried to do a load of laundry, but apparently Pablo decided to break the washing machine. Thanks a lot asshole! Oh yeah, and thanks for farting on my pillows & breaking the washing machine so now I can't even wash them. You are so going to pay!

Pablo should stop killing spiders too, if he knows what's good for him!

6 Months Ago

Six months ago, today, I started dating the most wonderful man, Val. I am completely in love with Val. He is sweet, caring, smart, funny, sexy and best of all, he loves me too.

There is no formula or logic to love. You just feel it in your heart, your mind, and your soul. The feeling is something you can't describe but can arise at any moment, triggered by a memory, a word or a thought of that special person. A real love is someone that you cannot live without, someone who is constantly on your mind, day in and day out. It's someone you can't wait to talk to next. Someone who you can't wait to see for whatever reason!

I feel an overwhelming sense of complete surrender and awe for Val and a feeling of completeness when we're together -- and incompleteness when we're apart. My relationship with Val makes me want to be a better person, live a better life. I look into the future and I see him there with me. Though it is hard not to dream about tomorrow, I am so happy living in the now with Val.

I love you Val!

My Weekend

I....

• ...made delicious sushi rolls and drank sake.
• ...rearranged my mom's apartment for her.
• ...helped hang wall paper @ Val's.
• ...made yummy fajitas and drank whiskey.
• ...killed all the weeds growing in my yard, it was liberating.
• ...cleaned my pool.
• ...got more tan.
• ...drank more beer on Sunday than should be legal.
• ...ordered pizza and then I ated it.
• ...made fun of & annoyed Pablo whenever possible.

GASP! IT'S FRIDAY THE 13TH!

Are you a paraskevidekatriaphobe?

Here are some precautions you can take to stay lucky this Friday the 13th.

• Stand on your head and swallow a chunk of beef gristle.
• Take a holey sock to the top of a skyscraper or a mountain.
• Walk around the block with a mouthful of water--and be careful not to swallow it.
• Tie a sack of peony seeds around your neck (not too tight, though).
• Avoid crossing paths with a black cat.
• Do not walk underneath a ladder.
• Try not to break any mirrors!
• Say "Gesundheit!" or "Bless you!" if someone sneezes.

Good luck to you all! Have a great Friday!

Your Daily Horoscope

Your theme this week is "How can you do this to me?" You can't believe that The Sopranos is over. Worse yet, the series left viewers dangling with a bogus non-ending. And you're peeved that Ocean's Thirteen was so lame. Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta-Jones were right to steer clear of that one. A moon opposition has you moaning about how life isn't fair. Chill out, will you? Take two Cosmopolitans and call your therapist in the morning.

So Sorry

I feel bad that I have not had the time to keep up on all the great blogs listed on my sidebar. Ok, maybe I don't REALLY feel bad, but I do apologize.

Report: Many U.S. Parents Outsourcing Child Care Overseas

"I had to eat my own fingers!"

Things

• I filled out my returning student admissions application yesterday. Hopefully I will start school this fall with Leslie, Pablo, Val & Indygirl.


• I am really glad it is Friday. I was off Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday. Two day work weeks rock!


• I have absolutely no plans this weekend & it's great not having any commitments!


• I have nothing else to say. Hope everyone has a nice weekend!

Paddle Faster, I Hear Banjos!

I am in the front right side of the raft! Story later, it's time to go back to work!